Today is Thanksgiving. It’s snowing and I’m eating freshly
baked cookies after having spent the morning with my beloveds watching the Macy’s
Thanksgiving Day Parade. I love this day. I feel as if I’ve been given much to
be thankful for this year, and what a journey it has been.
2014 has brought many struggles. I've found myself barely holding onto a cord of hope, being pulled by the weight of the unknown and fear. It’s a scary thing to follow your dreams when it’s completely uncharted territory. It takes utter faith in knowing that it will all work out when you have every sign of the contrary. It also requires an awareness that those signs are interpreted solely by you, and are therefore whatever you make them to be. I have been so scared. I have felt shameful for not having achieved what I wanted and for being where I am in my life right now. As bright and shiny as it may appear to be following my heart, it is an enormous challenge to break out of tunnel vision when you’ve never learned how to see another way.
It’s funny how it works. You make a decision that you know through and through as the only right next step, and you let it happen. You just know it will work because it’s the only thing you believe in. All the things you need appear, perhaps not always how you expected but it all unfolds. The minute you let in the idea that it might not work out, you become consumed by the not-so-desirable alternative possibilities you’ve seen and they cloud your vision so that you’re unable to see or accept the favors that come your way. I’ve been stuck in that tunnel for almost all year. I was unable to recall the sentiment or emotion I carried when things DID work out, and I got absorbed into the minute by minute un-happenings – so much so that I lost my glimpse of the prize.
Today I’m particularly grateful because I’ve got it back. I am open, and I feel safe in all the decisions that have led me to this point. I suppose when you get on that path and go headfirst into the infinite, you are confronted with all of the things that have kept you from reaching what you most desire. You really do need to work through all of it, whether or not you even know it’s there. You’ll be shown – and you’ll be forced to reckon with yourself on all levels. As painful and convoluted as this is, I highly recommend it. There are ever higher heights and levels of being that we all are capable of striving for and to allow the uncomfortable into your life is to reach for those heights with all of your might. The strength must be built, but we are fully equipped to build it.
I urge you to allow yourself to be doing and feeling everything that you are experiencing. And really see what you’re feeling. You’ll see so much more, and you’ll come out on the other side knowing exponentially more what it means to be living. Acknowledge the pain and love yourself anyway. See where you’re hurting and love yourself anyway. Notice how outside factors are influencing your life and see that YOU are the one driving how you feel. And let it all happen. Just let it because it’s going to anyway. Loving yourself, no matter what is or is not happening, is the fastest way to the other side. And the other side is always there.
There are infinite possibilities. Just because we cannot see them or see how to reach them, that in no way means they are not there. How could you say with any certainty that they aren’t? Allow the idea to be possible. You’ll be amazed how quickly it appears when you finally open your eyes. I’m thankful to be seeing. And for each of you. May you see, too. Lots of love.
