It’s beginning to look like fall outside. The clouds were
out today, and the cooler breeze was up. I ate a few candy corns to commemorate
the changing of the season. There is much newness and growth to be excited
about, for it has been one whole year since I arrived in New York. I can’t
really comprehend that all that time has passed, especially since I still feel
high – this place is still new to me. Sure I got the subway system down and
walk the streets at full speed like everyone is in my way, but occasionally
(frequently, actually) I stop to just feel where I am. Every day I am grateful
for the absence of presumption, expectation, and confinement in my steps.
I’ve experienced a lot of changes in the past twelve months
that I feel great about. When I arrived, I got a great paying job and felt
pretty set for the ensuing months of discovery and unraveling, all the while
knowing it was temporary and meant as an adjustment period. The months dragged on
I wished and hoped and despaired for not doing what it was I came here to do and
soon enough realized I had needed to really get that “comfort” out of my
system. Although I was treated well and living the easy life, the true ease would come with decisions that were natural – not the
ones I make because I feel like I have to. There are infinite ways to support
yourself and be happy doing so; I do not need to continue this devotion
to a paycheck. My contract ends on October 10th and I’m
excited. I’ve learned a lot in the job sphere and even garnered the support of
reputable professionals in my dreamy and idealistic pursuit of a second
education. YESSSSS – classes have begun!
There is something SO rewarding about really pushing through
your fears when it comes to doing what you KNOW you want to and need to do. I’m actually
doing my homework this time around, and thoroughly enjoying lecture and lab
instead of feeling scared of failing like I vividly remember, and like I recognize
strongly in my surrounding 18yo peers. My professor, an adjunct professor whose
full-time career is as a Bird Biologist at the American Museum of Natural
History, is perfect. His perspective is real-world and open-minded and I just
love what he has to say about all the world’s knowledge and un-knowledge and
how much room we have to be surprised in life. Never just take anyone’s word
for it – how can we ever really know all of the infinite possibilities? PERFECT. I want to chew his
brain about all the things and I’m so looking forward to doing that this semester. In short, I am fed very deeply by making this
happen for myself. Each minute is pleasantly worthwhile – I made the right
choice.
I feel every day like I’m making the right choices. The
freedom has settled in – how quickly our habit-changing behavior can take root
and bring just what we hoped it would into our lives. The road is long and must
be diligently followed, but no failure will sting quite as much as the ones you
made before deciding to risk departing with the known. See the world as
bringing you fortune and that it will. Very passionately and with much support.
And on we march.
